


it's a ruse, all these creatures are a lie

by rejectedreality



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Darcy Lewis, F/M, alien animals, alien whisperer, they flock to darcy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rejectedreality/pseuds/rejectedreality
Summary: “Look,” Jane begins in a hushed but excited whisper. “Despite the current… set-back this has been a total success. Darcy, I have actually managed to create a portal connecting our world to Asgard. I mean sure It’s a little damaged now but I’m sure it wouldn’t take long to fix.” “Jane, we are currently hiding from some kind of demonic dog-horse,” There’s violent hissing from the other side of the table that makes Darcy slide down further and attempt to merge with the floor. “That you brought over from your make-shift Rainbow Bridge. I don’t think this is exactly something to be celebrating over.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine feel free to point them out and ill change it.

Title from song **[Walla Walla](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUERY_oZ6XA) ** by Glass Animals.

 

It’s Jane’s fault. Completely and exclusively Jane’s fault. Without question.

(Okay, it may be a little bit of Darcy’s too but that’s more of an extraneous variable)

They’re hiding behind one of the tables Darcy had overturned for protection in Jane’s lab at the Avenger’s tower and under a blanket for coverage. Out of sight, out of mind is Darcy’s motto in this situation and if they keep real quiet they just might be able to live long enough for help to reach them, that is, until Jane breaks the silence by speaking.

“If you had just _focused_ on the data -”

“I was focusing on the data like you told me to, Jane. I was only distracted when a _raving dog-horse_ started galloping through,” Darcy interrupts with a harsh whisper, only speaking up again when the sound of hooves passes by for the ninth time – yes, she is most definitely counting. “You said the weird ass co-ordinates Thor gave you was to an empty field on Asgard.”

“They were – they are!”

Jane sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

Darcy raises her head a bit to dare and peak over the hurried barrier they made. The swish of a darkened tail nearby makes her duck so fast she’s momentarily reminded of her middle school dodge ball days.

“Look,” Jane begins in a hushed but excited whisper. “Despite the current… set-back this has been a total success. Darcy, I have actually managed to create a portal connecting our world to Asgard. I mean sure It’s a little damaged now but I’m sure it wouldn’t take long to fix.”

“Jane, we are currently hiding from some kind of _demonic dog-horse_ ,” There’s violent hissing from the other side of the table that makes Darcy slide down further and attempt to merge with the floor. “That you brought over from your make-shift Rainbow Bridge. I don’t think this is exactly something to be celebrating over.”  

Darcy quietly lets out an agonizing moan as she spots demonic dog-horse hooves stalking by from the gap in their cover and the table, “Why is there no one here to save us yet? It’s been, like, thirty minutes JARVIS should’ve let someone know by now and if he hasn’t he is in serious need of an update.”

There’s a prolonged silence that has Darcy glancing at Jane suspiciously.

After a moment of staring Jane turns to her shamefaced, “Oh, uh I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. I may have asked Tony if I could use the electricity grid from this section of the labs to power the bridge.”

Darcy resists the urge to do something violent and instead breathes harshly through her nose and speaks in a very tightly controlled voice.

“So what you’re saying is: no JARVIS.”

“No JARVIS.”

“ _Fuccccck,_ ” Darcy breathes out slowly closing her eyes tightly. “If we get out of this alive, I am totally restricting your science.”

Jane makes a noise of distress.

.

.

In the 5 hours it takes to form a suitable alliance with the demonic dog-horse (2 hours of freaking out and planning, 3 hours of enacting said plan) Darcy feels like they’ve come to an agreement.

Jane, Darcy and the demonic dog-horse.

The agreement may or may not have included an offering of the last batch of frosted cherry pop-tarts (and three other boxes of varying flavors Darcy keeps as back up).

–“Jane this is a life-or-death situation, I’m pretty sure we can sacrifice our stash of pop-tarts in order to stay alive.” –

The agreement includes this:

  1. Darcy and Jane stay on one side of the lab, DDH (Demonic Dog-Horse) on the other
  2. They provide a steady stream of pop-tarts and they won’t get eaten
  3. Jane fixes the make-shift Rainbow Bridge and everyone can go home happy – and promptly wipe this awful experience from their minds forever



No. 3 of the agreement is readily made null and void when Jane turns to her and softly whispers, eyes on DDH the whole time, that the Bridge has inflicted more damage than she thought.

“So how long do you need to fix it?” Darcy tries to softly whisper back but it comes out a little too shrill. “Like, what are we talking about… 6 or 8 more hours or something, right?”

Jane gives her guilty eyes.

“Maybe a little more.”

Darcy bites her lip and looks over to DDH only to jump back and make a noise she isn’t particularly proud of but it’s better than the high-pitched scream Jane lets out that makes her wince. DDH is standing more than halfway across the room clearly breaching No. 1 of the agreement.

“Toss it a pop-tart.” Jane hisses gripping her arm with both hands.

“We’re out.” Darcy’s voice breaks. Just a little. She is sure No. 2 of the agreement is about to be broken and Darcy had never in all her theoretical scenarios imagined dying in a lab, her flesh eaten by an alien animal of all things.

And she survived a robot and an alien attack.

Jane makes a choked noise and turns to her wide-eyed. Darcy warily watches as DDH seems to stare right at her then, very deliberately place one of its _eight_ hooves forward.

“Okay, okay – wait, just stop – I can – I can totally get you more pop-tarts, DDH -” He, at least she thinks it’s a he, hisses at her which is decidedly very not-horse-like. “I need to leave but Jane will stay and I will definitely come back because Thor will have my head on a silver platter if I don’t, Lightning-sister or no.”

DDH appears to understand her because it squints its eyes at her suspiciously (s _quints!)_ and backs up to his corner of the lab watching her the whole time. Jane protests but Darcy manages to get away from her vice grip and head towards the door when Jane interrupts her.

“Wait! You can’t tell anyone!”

Darcy freezes and turns to Jane incredulously, but still keeps DDH in her peripheral.

“Are you insane?” Darcy widens her eyes and tries to get Jane to understand that that is the first thing she’s going to do.

“I’m serious, Darcy. The moment Tony or Bruce or whomever finds out, my bridge is gone and I worked way too damn hard for it to disappear just because an animal came through.”

Darcy sighs and rolls her eyes skyward, “They wouldn’t do that –”

“Yes, they would!” Jane cuts her off and gestures to the sky franticly with both arms. “That thing that happened with Loki bringing a fleet of alien armies through the sky and not to mention what happened in London is definitely enough reason to make all my hard work disappear. _Darcy, please._ ”

Jane begs with her puppy dogs eyes and Darcy purses her lips and hopes Jane can feel the waves upon waves of disappointment and apprehension she’s sending her. Nevertheless, because Darcy is convinced she is now crazy and willing to do just about anything for Jane, she nods her head and leaves the lab to acquire enough pop-tarts to last at least two days or, you know, the stomach of a demon dog-horse.

Jane squeals stop abruptly when DDH taps a hoof down for silence.

.

.

Darcy prays to all the Gods she knows – because if Thor can exists what else can, right? – that she doesn’t bump into anyone as she heads back to the lab carting around an abnormal amount of pop-tarts.

Her prayers are not granted. She’s never that lucky.

The elevator slows down and Darcy presses the button to the lab floor incessantly hoping that it won’t stop, but it does. The doors open and standing on the other side is none other than Sam ‘The Falcon and awesome bro’ Wilson, Steve ‘Hate To See You Leave, Love To Watch You Go’ Rogers and someone Darcy has never seen before.

“Darcy.” There’s something strange in Steve’s voice when he greets her by name as they enter the elevator that she can’t quite decipher but it makes Sam grin instantly and the new person flicker his gaze between him and her.

“Hey. What’s up?” When Darcy smiles it’s slightly strained because she just received a text from Jane not too long ago that had Darcy running like she was being chased by Dark Elves again. There may or may not be a few dents in the walls from where her cart of pop-tarts banged into when she lost control turning a corner.

“Nothing much, Darce,” Sam grins posture relaxed and Darcy will openly admit that that’s one of the reasons why she finds him so easy to get along with. He’s always so relaxed in a tower full of spysassins and crazy scientists. “Just showin’ Barnes around the tower. Tony’s letting him stay here while he gets his head back on.”

Darcy makes an Ah! face as she realizes that all the extra meetings she had to attend (where she didn’t listen) as well as the copious amounts of emails she got (which she didn’t open) were about James Buchanan Barnes a.k.a The Winter Soldier coming to stay in the tower.

Darcy flickers her gaze up and down him and momentarily stops on his arm. Before she can control herself – it’s been a stressful day so she’s allowed to make mistakes, okay! – she blurts out:

“Whoa, dude, is that metal arm?” All three men freeze and Darcy’s eyes widen. There’s an uncomfortable pause before Darcy does what she does best: talk. “Because that is the absolute best prosthetic I’ve ever seen. I have an older brother whose leg had to be amputated, he was in the military, and I can for sure confirm that he would totally be jealous of the mechanics that is your arm.”

The quite is broken when Sam laughs. And laughs some more.

Steve looks at her with something shining in his eyes and a grin playing on his lips while Barnes with his ever present unyielding poker face breaks, a small smile just lifting at the left corner of his lip.

Then the elevator doors open to the floor where Jane’s lab is and Jane is screaming her name.

Darcy flinches and the good mood is gone and the three men are tense.

“Darcy is everything okay?” Steve asks concerned and Darcy can’t help but feel like every facial twitch is being scrutinized. Sam looks out into the hallway as if he can see through the darkened glass walls of the lab to where Jane is and Barnes tenses shifting his posture and becomes scarily still.

“Uh-huh, everything’s fine. A-Okay,” Darcy nods her head perhaps a little too aggressively to be convincing. “You know how Jane is; this is just a matter of life-or-pop-tarts.”

Sam narrows his eyes suspiciously and Darcy bites her lip.

“Well, as you’ve heard I’ve gotta go. Nice meeting you, Barnes.”

Then she’s gone like someone lit her ass on fire before anyone of them could so much as utter a syllable.

Darcy barges into the lab with her cart hastily tossing a box of pop-tarts to DDH (who is more than half-way across the room) sliding and locking the door shut behind her.

DDH digs into it enthusiastically and drags it back to his corner like he killed his food and is trying to protect it. Thankfully Jane had the forethought to ask JARVIS to black-out the walls of the lab (because it’s Stark and all the lab walls are made of glass) before she used all the power so Darcy can see Steve, Sam and Barnes hesitate just outside the elevator where they may have tried to follow her out but they can’t see her, more importantly they can’t see DDH.

Sam convinces them to go back in and Darcy breathes a sigh of relief before walking over to Jane.

“You good?”

“Yeah, I think so. Help me with this.” Jane picks up a large piece of metal that belongs to the frame of the Bridge. Her hands are shaking but there’s a determined look on her face. Darcy gives DDH the evil-eye, who is happily munching on the pop-tarts, and moves to help her.

Damn, she really hopes this isn’t going to take a really long time.

.

.

It takes longer than she would like it to.

With the frame fixed and nothing else to do while Jane works on the more scientific parts of the Bridge Darcy has surprisingly struck up a pretty good relationship with DDH in the last eight or so hours. They even managed to figure out a name for him. It involved a lot of suggestions thrown out by Darcy and not-so-subtle glares and hisses by DDH.

“I’m telling you, Kevin I know pop-tarts are good but you gotta find something else with a little more sustenance.” Kevin gives her look that on a human Darcy would describe as a leer. A hungry leer. “Preferably not human. That is considered a no-no.”

“Who’s Kevin?” Jane finally looks up from tinkering around with her make-shift Rainbow Bridge and looks suspiciously around the lab before eyeing Darcy with insistence.

Darcy merely gestures towards DDH now christened Kevin.

Jane then turns to her and says deadpan, “You named it Kevin.”

Darcy scoffs and rolls her eyes, “Of course I named him Kevin; I’m not eight I’m not going name him Fluffy or Balrog.”

Besides, Kevin hadn’t liked either of those choices. He also didn’t like Drogon despite how badass the dragons on the show are – plus points because she totally could’ve gotten away with calling herself Khaleesi – nor did Demogorgon bode well even though she tried to explain just how awesome _Stranger Things_ is.

There was extreme un-horse-like hissing involved.

“Well, we have more pressing issues at the current moment.”

Darcy straightens and looks imploringly at Jane. “Please tell me that this issue can be easily fixed.”

Jane winces.

Darcy makes a noise of discontent.

.

.

“What the hell is that?”

Darcy rocks back on her heels and tries to spread her arms wide enough without looking strange. “What’s what?”

Tony slowly moves away from his work station and gives her an unimpressed look and gestures to the animal she fails to hide.

“ _That,_ ” He pauses to gather his thoughts for a moment when Darcy throws him a questionable look. “And if you can’t see it and there’s really nothing there then I think it’s time to stop working and I’ll see you in a few days – or weeks.”

“You’re not hallucinating,” Bruce doesn’t move from his position, he actually stills and that entices a little bit of concern in Darcy. “Darcy, you want to explain exactly _what_ is behind you?”

“Oh, um,” Darcy glances over her shoulder. “I’m pretty sure it’s a larger than average St. Bernard or a pony.”

Kevin is all dark brown that looks black in certain lights with a black swishy tail and even darker fathomless eyes. Oh, and not to mention eight legs.

He can be a little intimidating.

“A pony?” Tony faintly echoes and he looks like he wants to snatch her away and it warms Darcy’s heart to see that Tony can actually manage concerned feelings for her. At the same time it also makes her suspicious that he would have an ulterior motive like using her as his human shield.

“I’ve always wanted a pony.” Darcy’s tone takes on a wistful note before she feels a slight nudge at the back of her hand.

“That has eight legs, Darcy,” Bruce’s tone takes a judgmental turn, instead of eyeing Kevin is now eyeing her. “I’m most definitely sure that ponies don’t have eight legs.”

“I don’t discriminate, Dr. Banner,” She glares daggers, no worse, Mjolnir at him. “And his name is Kevin.”

There’s a silence that’s filled with Darcy’s glaring and Kevin looming creepily behind her like the demonic dog-horse he is.

“Seriously, Lewis. What the hell is that?” Tony’s voice takes on a more panicked tone and she can see his hands inching towards the metal bracelets that summon his Iron Man suit.

For a moment Darcy considers snapping out a witty retort but she knows better, so being an actual adult in this situation is a requirement especially since Jane sent her here on a mission.

Darcy clears her throat, places her hands behind her back and applies her best poker-face (which is a pretty damn good poker-face considering she won the last few rounds of poker against Pepper, Maria _and_ Natasha – and she’s damn proud of it too).

“Dr. Foster and I are not sure of what species Kevin belongs to,” At the mention of Jane’s formal title, which Darcy only ever uses to implicitly point out that it’s a science problem and she had absolutely nothing to do with it, both Bruce and Tony groan. “It is obvious he is an animal of some sort that had materialized approximately two minutes into the activation of Dr. Foster’s attempt at an Einstein-Rosen Bridge.”

Bruce huffs and critically looks her up and down for injuries before glancing wearily at Kevin, “Where’s Jane now?”

“Still in the lab working on the Bridge. She sent me here to explain that she needs a new source of power considering she blew out the power grid with the earlier activation in order to send Kevin back to where he came from.”

Tony moans and covers his face with both hands.

“And – uh, what about… Kevin?”

Darcy bites her lip and glances behind her into Kevin’s black fathomless eyes and shrugs.

“I tried to come here alone but he wouldn’t let me. I think he’s grown attached.”

Kevin backs her statement up with a long sloppy lick as a pseudo-kiss to her face that make her grimace, Bruce wince and Tony gag.    

.

.

Darcy has no idea how it happened but she lost Kevin.

Just for the record she would like to state that Kevin is fast, like, Usain Bolt fast only times three hundred. She turned her back for only a moment, _one moment_ and he was gone. Bruce and Tony had immediately rushed to Jane’s lab when they arrived and within seconds the three where speaking science so fast and way above her head Darcy had nothing to do but bond some more with Kevin. Then she turns around to bring him more pop-tarts like the good friend/owner she is when she finds him gone.

Not wanting to freak the Scientists Three out Darcy searches the whole floor, twice, and brainstorms places where Kevin might like to go.

First on the list: the cafeteria.

It’s only logical. Pop-tarts, she feels are beginning to bore Kevin so he would try to seek out new things to eat and she talked about the cafeteria for about the last 15 minutes of their (one-sided? Kevin is really quite responsive) conversation. She only hopes he isn’t searching for anything human flavored.

Darcy rushes to the elevator and presses the button multiple times as if by will alone it would reach her faster. When the doors open she barely manages to keep jaw from dropping. She must’ve been good in a past life because the sight of Steve and his wayward buddy Bucky Barnes (nee Winter Soldier) and Sam all dressed in nice tight clothing is something out of an intro to a porno video.

They stare at her and it takes her an embarrassingly long moment to realize that she’s standing on the threshold of the elevator ogling. To be fair, she thinks the sight would’ve stopped at _least_ Maria, she obviously would’ve had a quicker recovery that wouldn’t have been as obvious as Darcy but whatever, it’s not like she’s a trained agent or spysassin.

Ducking her head she quickly scurries to the corner of the elevator and presses the button for the cafeteria. Not a word is spoken and Darcy can feel the tension in her neck rise at the awkwardness that is left over from when she ran when Jane called her. In the reflection of the elevator doors she can see a blurry Sam nudge Steve and incline his head meaningfully towards her (she has no idea what that means but definitely intends to find out) while Bucky seems to be assessing her like she’s a threat (which is oddly flattering because Darcy is the least threatening person she knows, and she knows Jane).

The silence is almost too much. Darcy decides she’s going to break it with a casual, what are you guys up to? But what comes out is not at all what she wants to say.

“Any of you haven’t by any chance seen a larger than average St. Bernard or pony sized animal roaming around have you?” Darcy bites her lip and scrunches her nose. “Dark brown/black hair, responds to the name Kevin.”

The silence is foreboding.

“You’re joking right?”

“No. I’m very serious.” Darcy responds without hesitation.

The three men exchange a look, Steve and Bucky a slightly longer one while Sam smiles at her kindly (with a touch of are-you-sure-you’re-not-crazy feel to it).

“Sorry, Darcy, we haven’t seen any… ponies around,” There’s a slight pause before Steve continues. “But we’ll let you know if we do.”

“Much appreciated, Captain.”

“You’re wearing the same clothes since yesterday, Darce,” Sam openly observes raising an eyebrow. “You been here all night?”

“Oh, yes,” Darcy nods her head and her gaze strays slightly distracted to the numbers steadily decreasing to the cafeteria. “Jane had a thing in the lab so things have been really stressful and… crazy.”

Sam makes a face like he knows exactly what she’s taking about which is impossible. Because while yes, he’s been through combat thus extreme stress and craziness she doesn’t think he’s been through a make-shift Rainbow Bridge opening up and demonic dog-horses galloping through type of stress and craziness. She thinks he might’ve picked it up from his counselor trainings and makes a mental note to get him to teach her just so she can make the exact same face when Natasha drunkenly explains in Russian what Darcy thinks might be the mechanics in squeezing a man’s neck with her thighs.

The doors open and Darcy rushes out – again – and she barely manages to catch Barnes slapping Steve on the back of the head with his hand whilst Sam looks on switching between approval of the move and disappointment with himself for approving of Barnes’ move.

Darcy just shakes her head and focuses on her mission.

She finds Kevin – thank Thor – before anyone else runs into him in a deserted hallway a few turns away from the cafeteria.

(There may be an unfortunate Stark Industries intern whom she’s pretty sure is never going to return again. Like, ever. )

And shuffles him into the elevator – which is not a pleasant experience for either of them since Darcy now knows Kevin does not like elevators, he got to the cafeteria by stairs – and gets him back into the lab.

The Scientists Three are waiting for her with varying degrees of panic.

“Tony, you might – and by might I mean definitely will – be receiving a complaint from an intern concerning a highly unusual work related injury.”

Tony sighs long-suffering.

.

.

Jane is twisting her hands avoiding everyone’s gaze while Kevin stands in the center of the lab and stares at them. Just stares, no swishing of the tail, twitching or hoof-switch. Just stares.

Turns out, a complaint of almost getting eaten by a pony with eight legs is enough to draw attention from Maria Hill and by extension the Avengers that don’t already know about Kevin.

Darcy’s kind of afraid of what will happen when Pepper finds out. Because, yes, Tony, she _will_ find out, she’s Pepper Potts.

“What is it?” Natasha speaks first her gaze never moving from Kevin arms crossed and Darcy just knows she’s gripping one of her many knives.

Everyone stares at Kevin with varying degrees of uneasiness and Darcy keeps an eye out for Barnes (who in her head is the most dangerous, sorry Natasha) who lurks just on the outskirts of the semi-circle they’ve made around Kevin. He reminds her a bit of Kevin now that she thinks about it, quiet, looming and lurking.

“His name is Kevin and he is a pony.” Darcy states when Jane presses her lips together, opting to not answer and moves her gaze to Darcy thus so does everyone else.

“Uh, Darce I’m not so sure -”

“He is a pony.” Darcy cuts Sam off and stares him down.

Kevin subsequently neighs and it sounds wrong coming from him but Darcy nods her head in confirmation like Kevin’s (obviously fake) display of horse-like-tendencies backs up her claim.

“Are we not going to acknowledge the fact that it has eight legs?” Clint – because of course it’s Clint – snorts and steps closer to Kevin.

Kevin doesn’t even glance curiously at him.

“It’s obviously not normal; I mean what kind of animal –”

Clint gets a little too close to Kevin when he decides he’s hungry. Hungry for Clint’s flesh that is.

Then Clint is screaming. And there’s blood.

Kevin – because Darcy knows that he’s super freaking smart – bumps into the Hulk panic button on the wall and manages to shield himself in the impenetrable glass room before anyone, especially Natasha, is able to get their hands on him.

Bruce is applying pressure to Clint’s mangled thigh while Tony calls Helen Cho who’s a couple of labs below Jane with her special cradle of healing powers. Darcy somehow ends up behind Steve gripping his arms ( _ohmygosh, musclessss)_ biting her lip, not out fear of what happened but more out of the fact that Captain ‘ _Ugh, That Ass’_ America leaped in front of her without a second thought – actually leaped – when Kevin defended himself against Clint.

She refuses to call it an attack, Clint totally had it coming.

Muscles flex under her fingers when she grips tighter to peer around Steve’s broad shoulders to look down at Clint.

“I think you hurt his feelings.”

“ _Shut the fuck up, Darcy._ ”

.

.

“Thought you said nothing interesting ever happens here, punk.”

“Uh – I lied?”

.

.

Kevin chills in his Hulk proof room with basically half the Avengers as his guard.

Kevin just stands there quite serenely with blood dripping all over his muzzle and onto the floor like he didn’t just take a huge bite out of Clint’s leg. Natasha makes a show of sharpening her knife, there’s a hidden promise in the action. Kevin retaliates by slowly licking some of the blood off his lips.

If Kevin could smirk Darcy’s sure that’s what he’d be doing right now.

Maria comments that she looks pretty tired and suggests taking a shower and getting some rest. Well, she doesn’t exactly say it like that – “You look like a B-rated zombie movie extra, Lewis. Do something about that will you.” – but Darcy takes her advice nevertheless, and as she leaves she throws Kevin the disappointed look she’s spent ages mimicking from Steve.

Kevin actually looks a little guilty when she leaves.

Hours later after a shower and refreshing eight hour nap when she’s feeling much more like herself than she has in the past twenty-four plus hours, Darcy searches the kitchen for something to eat.

“Hey, Darcy.”

Darcy turns around at the sound of her name, eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she hold the empty peanut butter jar that someone (Clint) had placed back in the pantry. Seeing Steve standing on the other side of the counter immediately chases feelings of angry frustration away and a smile crawl onto her face.

“Hey, Steve. What’re you doing here?”

He flashes her a small crooked smile that makes Darcy actively ignore the flutter of butterflies in her stomach that are decidedly not hunger related (well, maybe a different kind of hunger), “Lookin’ for something to eat and bring to others. Natasha’s running a pretty tight ship on watching over… Kevin.”

“Oh, me too. Why don’t we make something together? I’m sure we could cook up something nice.” Darcy tosses the empty jar into the bin and looks to Steve for his decision.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Great! I was thinking stir-fry, it’s pretty easy and we have enough ingredients for everyone,” Darcy enthuses, pausing for moment she turns to Steve. “I hope my 21st century cooking doesn’t hurt your old-timey sensibilities, I figure you should be pre-warned but I turn, like, full on chef mode when I cook which includes very creative swearing. ”

Steve rolls his eyes, “Pretty sure it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

Darcy grins.

An hour and a half full of the most creative swearing Steve has ever heard (he takes back his earlier words) later when they’re serving stir-fry to everyone standing guard by the Hulk proof room Steve hesitantly works his way to Darcy’s side. He can do this, he can totally do this. He’s a grown man, hell, a superhero even. Asking a woman out should be nothing in comparison to everything else he’s faced. It wasn’t rocket science, it was simply just opening his mouth and asking Darcy a question. Out loud. He can do this.

Steve clears his throat and when Darcy looks to him he nervously casts his eyes around, “I was thinking that maybe, um – later I mean after this whole alien animals thing we could maybe --”

Steve doesn’t get to finish because Kevin has reared up and smashed his front four hooves against the glass and snaps his jaw angrily.

Darcy lets out a startled scream and Steve instinctively grabs her around the waist and places her behind him. Everybody is already tense, guns and knives out, all eyes on Kevin. Kevin does nothing more than huff angrily and stare at Steve.

“ _What the hell, Kevin._ ” Darcy seethes peering around Steve.

.

.

“Please do not tell me that I just saw you get cockblocked by an alien pony. ”

Steve sighs and runs his hands over his face, “I don’t want to talk about it, Sam.”

.

.

Jane’s Bridge opens up in a burst of rainbow light.

Kevin walks morosely forwards casting a sad glance back at her. Darcy nods her head and presses her lips together. Vaguely she recognizes Steve’s hand resting on her shoulder in what she thinks is him trying to comfort her. She appreciates the gesture.

When Kevin reaches the entrance he tries to walk through, only an invisible wall seems to be stopping him.

 “What’s going on? What is happening? Foster, I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.” Tony’s mouth runs like fire as he rushes to Jane’s side, Bruce not far behind him.

Kevin trots happily back to Darcy’s side. Trots.

He fake neighs and glares Steve into moving his hand off her shoulder, which he does hesitantly and keeps his fingers curled in case Kevin’s looking for a snack. Darcy gives him an apologetic smile as she pets Kevin’s mane.

The Bridge starts to glow and pulse just as it did before Kevin came through.

“ _Oh no._ ” Jane moans and covers her face peeking fearfully through the small gaps in her fingers.

“Oh no?” Sam echoes in disbelief as everyone tenses and gets into battle stances. “Saying ‘oh no’ isn’t exactly encouraging, Jane.”

Steve finds his way in front of her again. This time Barnes is actually by her too and Darcy switches her gaze suspiciously between their backs.

It’s an amusing sight to see the Avengers all lined up like their getting ready to battle when three (large) kittens tumble out of the Bridge.

“Those are cats.” Natasha states. With spending enough time around Natasha, especially a drunk Natasha, Darcy has somehow managed to gain her trust therefore she knows or rather knows what she isn’t saying when she speaks. So, when Natasha says ‘those are cats’ she says it like she can’t believe how cute they are and a little like she wants to hug them, because as it turns out the Black Widow is extremely susceptible to adorable kittens if the hundreds of cat videos Darcy receives daily are any clue.

One is black, the other a soft bronze and shimmery rose gold while the last is a muted blue-grey.

They’re larger than house cats; Darcy would say their features look kinda like a persian cat but more… jungle sized. The three kittens look at them curiously with silver eyes and Darcy can just feel the tension and apprehension melt away at their innocent adorable faces.

Then all three kittens’ claws come out.

Clint squawks and he’s climbing up the vent faster than anyone can blink.

.

.

The kittens are decidedly much friendlier than Kevin.

Natasha names them Monica, Phoebe and Rachel. Then it turns out Monica is actually a he, so he then becomes Ross.

Jane and Bruce go over all possible reasons as to why the Bridge seems to be only one way. When the kittens start tearing up the couch in the common room Tony results to going out to the Helipad and screaming at Heimdall to tell Thor.

Turns out Tony has the right idea because moments later Thor lands, red cape billowing, Mjolnir swinging, charming smile in place.

“Jane, my love, I had waited just as you asked but I did not see a portal likened to that of the Rainbow Bridge appear.” Thor tenderly cradles Jane as she tries to burrow into the man-chest that is Thor.

“You waited?” Jane asks in voice Darcy always finds amusing that appears around Thor and only Thor. A sort of breathless, mesmerized and starry all rolled into one.

“But of course, you know I shall endeavor to help you as you further push the boundaries of Midgardian science.”

Jane swoons.

“Wait, hold up, Buddy,” Darcy holds up a hand as Jane leans back to peer up at Thor. “You know where the co-ordinates you gave us lead, right? So where exactly on Asgard do the co-ordinates lead to?”

Jane nods her head in agreement with Darcy’s question because it is a totally valid question.

“My chambers of course.” Thor smirks and suggestively looks down at Jane.

“Of course.” Darcy echoes wryly as Jane flushes.

Then she and Jane share a look because what in the hell is in Thor’s room that a pony like Kevin and three cute but killer kittens end up. And Tony cuts in with the exact same sentiment a kind of grossed out look on his face. Darcy doesn’t even want to know what the hell goes on in the mind of Tony Stark, she thinks it must be a freighting place with a vast amount of innuendos and fetishes she fine with not ever knowing.

Thor adopts a confused expression and finally acknowledges all the other people in the room. Then he sees Kevin, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross.

 **“** Hrímfaxi!” Thor exclaims in surprise, eyes on Kevin then turns to the three kittens, “Bygul, Trigul and Rigul. We have been looking heartily for you all.”

“Tell me called a command or something.” Darcy mumbles to Maria as they watch the kittens scurry up Thor’s form and dart all around his person which is also kind of scary to watch since they’re so big.

Bruce clears his throat, “Uh, we take it you know these animals?”

“Know them? I grew up with these cats. They are my mothers. And Hrímfaxi is but a young in training to pull the chariot of Nόtt.”

“Excellent!” Tony claps his hands together and rubs them. “That means you can take them right?”

“Yes.”

Darcy purses her lips and looks to Kevin who turns his head to look back at her.

She even hears Natasha sigh forlorn when Phoebe leaves Thor’s side and pads to her to paw at her to be picked up and snuggled.

.

.

Later as Darcy says her final goodbyes to Kevin, Steve joins her.

“It’s probably for the best, he’ll be with his own kind now.”

“Yeah.” Darcy replies a little tearfully and pets Kevin’s mane.

Darcy sniffles a little and forcibly removes her hands from him and thinks that it’s probably ridiculous for her to cry over an animal she loathed when she first met. Kevin thinks the same because he backs up half a step out of her reach. Darcy turns to Steve and tries to think of a way to distract herself before Thor comes to collect Kevin to go back to Asgard.

“So, what was it you trying to ask me earlier?”

Steve turns to her a little startled at her unexpected question and starts to turn a light red.

“Oh, um – it’s nothing really, probably stupid,” Steve mumbles to himself quietly screwing his face up in a frustrated look. “Actually, no it’s not stupid. I was wondering maybe later – uh, maybe we could…”

Darcy tries her best to reel in the grin she can feel curling at her lips as she watches Steve struggle. She really should put him out of his misery and just ask him out since Barnes approached her to tell her exactly how long Steve’s been pining after her.

Steve freaking _Captain America_ Rogers _,_ pining after her. It’s ridiculous, Darcy had to ask Barnes multiple times whether or not he was just yanking her chain and it was only until Sam agreed that Darcy accepted it. Although, it still baffles her that Steve wants to go out with her of all people.

Kevin grumbles and Darcy thinks if he could roll his eyes that’s exactly what he’d be doing.

Kevin walks a little ways from them then barrels straight into Steve’s back. Steve stumbles right into Darcy the force knocking them both down. Steve turns midair so that they land on his back with Darcy on top of him.

“Will you go out with me?” In said in one breath once Darcy lifts her head from his shoulder.

Darcy, eyes glittering and voice sounding like Jane’s – breathless, mesmerized and starry all rolled into one – says:

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> In Norse mythology, Skinfaxi and Hrímfaxi are the horses of Dagr (day) and Nótt (night). The names Skinfaxi and Hrímfaxi are bahuvrihis, meaning "shining mane" and "rime mane" (or "frost mane"), respectively. Although, they are depicted as having four legs in painting and whatnot – at least on Wikipedia I just made Kevin have eight to emphasize his alien-ness. 
> 
> Also, since Freya and Frigga are debated to be one in the same, Freya or Frigga I forgot who, does in fact have cats which Thor found. So, Bygul and Trigul are their real names and I just made Rigul and the coloring of their fur and eyes up. 
> 
> BONUSES: 
> 
> “I cannot believe it took a baby alien horse to get you to ask Darcy out.”
> 
> “Shut up.”  
> .
> 
> “So, Thor, pretty sure I read somewhere that your father’s horse is the love child of Svaðilfari and Loki.”
> 
> “We do not speak of such things on Asgard.”
> 
> “But you’re not outright denying it,” The silence is long and speaks louder than any words Thor could produce. “Any comments on the fact that it was Loki who gave birth in the form of a female horse to the eight legged horse?”


End file.
